I am not very good at delegation! I found this out about myself as I was working through my first set of college courses that required group projects. During that time I was not willing to allow other people to have an effect on my grade because my standards were so much higher Then I thought theirs would be. Granted this is a very specific example, and the time frame that I knew these individuals was very short. I was not willing to give them the benefit of the doubt that they had great ideas and could contribute to a group project to earn the highest grades possible. College might be a little bit of a skewed example especially since I did college later in my adult life instead of straight out of high school. I was always the older guy in the group or class and I naturally took control as the leader of the group without asking for input. I only had to do this one time in a class before everyone who was part of my group knew we were getting an A because I was going to do the whole project by myself whether they liked it or not. This approach worked pretty well because most people didn’t want to do all of the work and I did actually take input from people and incorporated into the project and in rare cases if I thought a person was up to the task I would allow someone else to contribute to the final deliverable.

During my military service I was not a high enough rank to delegate to others, work that needed to be done. Instead, I would take the lead of any tasking or assignment making sure that it was done successfully, on time and exceeding expectations. In my mind I was leading from the front by being an example of how to get things done and helping my teammates and coworkers to achieve a high standard of output. To be honest though, I was covering my butt and making sure no one else could have a negative impact on my career or other things that matter to me at that time. For example I would work extra hard and make sure my team got jobs done so that it never was an issue  to go home when the work day was over instead of working until the work was done.

For me delegation means not only assigning a task and allowing an individual to perform that task in their own way, but also relinquishing the authority required to make it happen. I am especially reluctant to delegate things that have a direct impact or changes the control dynamic within the group, making me accept and recognize the authority of others as it directly affects me. While I do not like delegation I do enjoy and thrive in a situation where tasking and authority is delegated to me as part of a larger group. I will take on and be the champion for any delegated tasking but insist that I be able to attack the issues and problems and get the task completed to the best of my ability, my way.

So, there are two main reasons why this idea or topic of delegation is important to me right now. The first main reason is that I have big plans for a nonprofit organization that I am working toward launching and there’s no way possible that I can do everything by myself. I don’t have the time or energy or in some cases even the knowledge to be able to do all of the necessary things. This new project will require the expertise and time of many different people and I will have to be able to delegate certain tasks and responsibilities to other people and along with that delegation give them the authority and responsibility of making things happen. I do fully plan on trying to be part of the definition of what success looks like and providing frameworks and tools that the nonprofit and team members will use, but ultimately delegation is a must.

Secondly, I am preparing myself and Stephenie for the transitions that will need to happen as I lose the ability to perform certain tasks. The way that I am talking about the loss of physical abilities, is that I am delegating certain tasks that I can’t perform to my caregivers. So as an example, my first instance of losing direct control over a personal action is the administering and preparation required for some of my medications. As my hands get weaker and I lose more dexterity it is difficult for me to draw up and administer the insulin shots to control my blood sugar and diabetes and so that is one thing I have delegated to my family members. They will draw the insulin from the bottles and I will administer the shots until I’m not able to any more.

I used the term delegation in this context because I’m trying to trick my brain into thinking that I am willingly giving up these controls at a time of my choosing instead of being forced by ALS. This subtle mental game allows me to feel in control by making decisions in my own time frame. Another benefit that I’ve thought about with this delegation concept as I lose abilities, Is that I don’t have to mourn the losses that are happening because I made decisions, Instead of allowing things to happen to me. Maybe this is just a coping mechanism, but it feels better to me than the alternative of just accepting losses or even worse being forced to accept someone else’s control over my life.

I think there is a lot of delegation in my future!! I hope and pray that my friends and family and people I interact with for the nonprofit will understand my relationship with the idea of delegation.